Throughout the year of experience with BMW we need to acknowledge that the one “M” that is talked about most is the M3. It’s the M3 that deluded owners through time and will always be the one that stands out at BMW headquarters.
We’ve decided this year that we will be more of an M5 kind of blokes. The M5 is a quiet pint. For a start, the 5-Series has always been a proper, car-shaped car, with a decent boot at the back and the engine in the Front. It’s not so big that it’ll end its days as an executive minicab driven by a man in a bad jacket, like the 7-Series, but it’s big enough to allow you and your passengers to lounge around a bit. The 5-Series is the perfect size for a car, and everybody likes a saloon, or can kind of accept a saloon.
Back in the old days the 520 was pretty feeble, to be honest, and there was even a 518. But they were still lovely cars. They were just nice places to be in. If you’d like a 5-Series — and I think we might like one pretty soon — then the middle-ranking 528i is really rather excellent. That gives you 245bhp and you can have it as the M-Sport version too. So what do you get for more money, that’s still the same shape? You get 552bhp, and I have to ask, in the interests of a fair and balanced appraisal, if that’s really necessary. So let’s take a quick look at this mother and see what all the Fuss is about.
It looks like a 5-Series, so that — and we don’t want to bang on about this too much — is a good thing. It’s a bit more swollen here and there, and it has these superb wheels, which are undoubtedly going to be smacked on a kerb pretty soon, and that’s a tragedy. But while it’s new, they look terrific. And the brake calipers are the color of a very deep bit of the Adriatk Yellow or red would be totally inappropriate for this most contemplative of M cars. In Fact the blueness outfit calipers is as good a reason as any for choosing it. It tells you everything. It’s altogether pretty unobtrusive unless you study it a bit more closely, and then it starts to look quite menacing, It’s a bit like Ronald McDonald in this respect.
Inside, we are reassured by the usual combination of ruthless BMW logic and austere good taste. Cars with too many buttons and knobs. There it makes the driver feel better about not really being a fighter pilot, despite having the watch. Annoy me. This is just enough stuff, and less than you’ll imagine considering that this is, to some extent a reconfigurable car. At the other end of the spectrum, of comprehension, there is some rather nice suede style trim on the A pillars.
Pulling away, the initial bite of the double- clutch transmission docs perhaps require a bit of gentle footwork, but it’s quiet and silky, then it cuts out at a junction. It has stop/start.
Lt is programmed to work thus. If you come to a stop and keep your foot on the brake, the system ass. times you’re at something like[singlepic id=9041 w=320 h=240 float=right] trail lights and stops the engine. It starts again when you set oil (obviously). If you come to a halt but then title your foot of? The brake, the system assumes you are in very slow-moving trafic, and the engine keeps running.
I played this for a bit and then discovered an even better game — priming the little button that disables the system entirely. I recommend this, followed by sealing up the button with copious quantities of cyanoacrylate adhesive, or superglue.
There is also a switch behind the gearstick that alters the severity of the gear change through three levels. This is good. The old M5 offered 11 gear change options, apparently, and in this one it doesn’t make any difference anyway, because the double-clutch shifts are so good.
And we’re off, finally. There’s a head-up display!
Fab! Of course you can configure this as well, but I have it showing the speed, the gear and…What’s this? Surely it isn’t an on-screen digital edition of BMW’s famous econometer? Can things be that bad? No, dolt, it’s actually the rev counter. Thank God For that.
What your read above was part of the chill we had driving and riding this beast.
The urge of the M 5 is immense, of course, because it has 552bhp and a comical 5011b Ft of torque. It’s also surprisingly undramatic, because the new twin-turbo delivery is so linear. It’s undoubtedly been done this way for emissions reasons, which have also taken away two cylinders, but that’s fine by me. Once again, an obstacle is placed in the way of the car’s progress and it progresses more as a result.
Everything about the new M5 is disarming. The ride is good, the gearchanges are swift and painless, the cabin is quiet, and invaded only occasionally by a distant rumble of dynamic intent. We soon forget about M are swift and painless, the cabin is quiet, and invaded only occasionally by a distant rumble of dynamic intent. We soon Forget about M button #2 and leave everything as it is.
[singlepic id=9056 w=320 h=240 float=center]The new M5 is quite sublime. Criticisms? The front end feels slightly over-tyred to me, but so do most high-performance cars, and so do us, come to think of it. The steering-column stalks seem a bit too close to the gearchange paddles, and once or twice we flashed vigorously at an oncoming driver who is likely still confused, or pointlessly rinsed a perfectly clean windscreen. But this could be because the stalks in my paddle-shift Ferrari are a yogic stretch away.
BMW lovers, if you have the means buy this God Damn thing!!!
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